first stretch was almost unbearable

3 minute read

I'm feeling a bit better today, despite having a horrible sleep.

I managed to enforce a bit of screen-free time last night. As usual the first stretch was almost unbearable, but after that came the mental freedom I remember so fondly.

Knowing what I want, choosing what I want

I've talked earlier about struggling to know what I want. This has caused me a lot of stress in the lead up to my trip, I don't feel like I'm making the right decision because I don't know what I want to achieve. I've made progress. Part of knowing what I want is the act of choosing what I want.

Yesterday I got worked up a bit trying to plan my next step, and planning my return. Then I got worked up thinking about the stress that travel creates, always moving and always making decisions. I had to remember what I want primarily, and structure my plans around that.

1. To spend an extended amount of time in Argentina
2. To improve my spanish
3. To see some more of Argentina
4. To improve my portuguese
5. To have peaceful time away from Melbourne

Hobart captured that last point last year. I got so much out of it.

Freedom in knowing my weaknesses

Another part of knowing what I want is knowing my strengths and weaknesses.

• I thrive off of being in a place and making the absolute most of what I have there. "Playing the cards I've been dealt".
• I'm not very good at making broader plans.
• I'm both creative and enjoy making things. Making things gives me a foundation to build off of too. It opens up more opportunities in the future.
• I'm happy with very little
• Decisions stress me out

a constant return

Returning to another idea I've mentioned already, the need to always be affirming and evaluating what I'm doing and if it holds up to my values and goals. I'm listening to (yet another) interview with Jack Self and he mentions his process of reflection and how it's fits in his routines:

It’s very easy to forget what it is you're doing with your life and it’s very easy to see mission creep seep in. I shave my head between every two and four days, and every time I do I take it as a moment for reflection on what is it that I'm doing this week, are there ways I could be using my power to advance these causes which I think are important, am I doing the best job and most of all am I sincerely trying to live a life in the service of others.

It's awfully idealistic, as it should be.

Weaving

I've also returned to weaving. I made an extremely primitive tool to help with the tapestry design. A proof of concept more than a real tool.

anything else?

• I read some more of the "how to write clear and concisely" book
  • a non-plain-language highlighter would also be a good tool for my ideal writing tool
• I read some more Franz Wright. His restraint is breathtaking.
• I sketched a tiny storyboard for RIPE.
• I wrote a list of things to do for my trip
  • Next step is to rank them in terms of effort vs time, then do them

listening to

• Rave das Brabas by DJ Katrip.

Questions

• How can I shift hard decisions to the front instead of putting them off
• What does it mean to be calm? to practice calm?