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a shift in my stomach

2025-02-04

3 minute read

I'm sick on an island! Travel can lead you to experiences you never imagined. This is my 3rd time having something gastro-like while travelling ((food poisoning or a gastro virus, could be anything).

I was a little hungover at first, and it went away. Then it came back, worse. A headache, nausea, fatigue. I supposed it was the cost of being in my 30s. Around ten oclock I felt a shift in my stomach that I could no longer ignore and I went to the bathroom to vomit. After that I went and lay down, reflecting on the day, with a migraine behind my eyes, and realised it wasn't a hangover. Hangovers, as bad as they are, go away for good when they've done punishing you.

The pain behind the eyes was terrible, everytime I closed them it was like a white light in my vision. My room is too far from the wifi and I only get patchy reception. I patiently googled "food poisoning headache migraine" just to be sure I didn't need to seek medical attention. I vomited once more, and much more than I'd vomited before, then found I could sleep more or less so long as I stayed face up. Any other position lead to nausea. In the morning I had bouts of diarrhea, and throughout the day my stool consistency has slowly hiked down the bristol stool chart.

I slept a lot, and went out in the afternoon to find electrolytes, probiotic powders, and food. Having found all 3 I returned to the hostel to eat.

I felt a little guilty telling people I was sick, like I was ruining their trip? Weird impulse and not based on any of my own experience.

It was nice to have a day of rest. I watched a movie, I did some reading, I'm actually getting a journal entry out. It could be worse. I woke up without any heartburn issues, owing to my empty stomach. Much to think about.

I watched "The Master", a psychological drama starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Pheonix. It was good, and inconclusive. Good soundtrack, well shot, and not afraid to leave questions unanswered. A little hard to watch at times, the characters are almost always unlikeable.

I've started reading "Notes of a Native Son" by James Baldwin. It's a collection of essays. Hard to parse, I'll need to reread it I think, but very good. It's honest and does not shy away from complexities of hard topics. The vapid format of social media rewards a black and white juvenile analysis of the world, and I'm guilty of letting that shape my worldview. I'm a fan of extreme takes, and I've said before that an essay ought to take one, in order to say anything at all. Now I'm not sure. It may be the product of bad writing. James Baldwin can make a real and critical point without washing out the complexity of the subject, though I have often had to push myself intelectually to rise up and meet said point.

I feel like I'm writing all convoluted and weird. I guess I'm out of practice.

convoluted and weird

I've been feeling strange about travel again. What am I doing? It's very easy to half-heartedly follow the nudge and pull of all the tourism options on the island, without thinking about "what do I want to do?"

It's hard to even know what I want to do - there're no museums and coffee shops for me to indulge in. I am a lazy tourist - being here is enough. I don't want to do anything. I want to potter about, read my book, sit on the beach. I want to walk only on occasion. I don't really feel like talking to other travellers? I'm very social at home, but something has switched for me now. I just want to be alone.

next day

I never ended up making a rope-bottle carrier; I told my friend's mum the idea and she made one out of crotchet.

Feeling much better today.

listening to

Hyperballad - Bjork

questions