come again
23 minute read
It's been a weird day today. I had a massive weekend. Not partying really, just out and about. Saturday was mostly at home, trying in vain to finish a zine but not really doing anything towards it. Friday I went to UMO at the Forum. Saturday evening I went to a friend's chinese new year celebration, it was nice. I helped cook, it felt good to help and to be good at what I was doing. Went home because I was tired, then stayed up late trying to make this zine.
trying to make this zine
I created a draft the other week, but the actual work required evaded me. I simply didn't want to do it, couldn't find the energy? Or that invisible barrier that so often rises before me for other less engaging tasks now rose before me for this.
now rose before me
I've had the same experience at work recently, especially today. It's frustrating, I don't really feel like a victim of it because it's me doing/not-doing the work. I'm frustrated I don't realise earlier in the day and just take myself out for a run, or go enjoy the sun. Online distraction is a big part of it, I think. I do wonder if working out in the morning helps. I think it does? Once I get into the work I think I'll be able to continue, but getting into it feels impossible. Feels like the branches of the hyperbola approaching the asymptotes. I'm going to try mindlessly writing out the list of actions, in granular detail, and working through them thoughtlessly. I'm going to try flapping my arms and taking off into the sky.
taking off into the sky
I did, in fact, conquer the zine procrastination, in a way. I tacked, changed paths. Exercised the "small" project mindset that I should have exercised a long time ago, and always benefit from. I arrived late, but not toooo late; And I'm happy with what I created.
~~ come again ~~
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ground apples
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yeat's suggests
a rough beast is
slouching
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""""""::::::::::::::::::::::"""
"""""".. .."""
"""""".. made by .."""
"""""".. Louis .."""
"""""".. .."""
"""""".. for fotp .."""
"""""".. 2024 .."""
"""""".. .."""
"""""".. xoxo .."""
"""""".. .."""
""""""::::::::::::::::::::::"""
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It's a sort of fever dream homage to Yeat's The Second Coming. Probably the first time I've ever "tried to express myself" or used creative output as a serious attempt at addressing and understanding my feelings, even though it didn't necessarily make things more clear. A shape with lion body and the head of a man, a gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
what else
I came across the sublime works of Jenni Crain today. It makes me feel a little somber and it makes me think hard about what I'm doing - with my life in general, work and creative together. Crain passed in 2021 at the age of 30. "She was widely recognized for her original minimalist sculpture and curatorial projects that championed under-recognized women artists as well as for her rigorous scholarship and writing." Questions to be raised at the end of this post, where they usually go.
some more respite
I did find this quote encouraging last week:
Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus. - Alexander Graham Bell
Also found this collection of notes today:
- 'Screw it, let's do it'
- Start sloppy
- Start small
listening to
questions
- What am I doing?
- What would a foundation in my name pursue?
- Why wait until I'm dead?