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the modal verb "may"

2023-10-08

3 minute read

I've been sick all week. Today I feel I am on the way out, though still phlegmy and coughy. I'm going to book a doctors appointment later this week to get my blood tested.

As usual, it wasn't without it's joy. It has been a little nice, being in sick all week. Though I had to cancel a raft of things I was looking forward to, I spent a lot of time relaxing. I caught up on lots of the Mathew Ogle Pome onslaught.

I've been eating a kind of Aglio e Olio Prawn linguini all week, defrosting the prawns around mid-day to cook for dinner. It takes me about half an hour, and creates more dishes than it ought to, but it does taste lovely and makes me feel fancy.

This week I'm tossing up lentil dahl, or salmon. Maybe both? I could take the dahl to lunch at work too, though it is a little boring. I could have the lentil dahl at home and take the salmon to work. I desperately want a bento lunch box - something that's not the boring old plastic. Something metal. I'm getting hot pot for dinner, I'll check the asian super market across the road and see if they have anything. I can grab some lentils, rice and garlic while I'm at it.

I'm feeling distracted, as usual. I have a few things on my mind. I was thinking about how nice it would be to wake up really early - like 6:30. To have so much time in the morning would be a joy. It is the evening that holds me back - apparently I love it more.

I've been accepted into the hallozeen zinefest again so I'll be keeping a seat warm at a half table with some new stock. I still haven't got the zines from last year digitised, it would be good for yard to be more ready for the show this year. I have few things I'd like to do for it this year. They must be run throught the small project wringer:

I can break thes up into more specific things I guess. I wonder how the ascii one will come out - I remember my struggle with trying to do a VR one last year, and ultimately giving up.

I hope to get onto them this week, and so be ready far in advance and not feel so stressed. This is of course why the small project wringer is necessary. Short time frames necesitate short distances.

I've felt more calm, but haven't really resolved any pending issues in my life. I think my room being clean this week helped, so I'll try to keep that going. There's levels to the room thing - though it doesn't fully function as a good room system, it can be cleared.

I finally sharpened my knives yesterday. Very exciting development.

I had an idea on the sourdough bug too, how to get it back up and running. I hate the weighing part of the feeding process, it's an extra palava. I could figure out what each measurement looks like just by vision or cup ration, then it would save me a lot of hassle. I'd just scrape it out until it's visually right, then toss in the cup size of flour and water, give it a mix, and biff it back in the fridge for another week.

what else?

I read a good article in Real Review 13 called Can I?: On the Blasphemy of Asking by Jordan/Martin Hell. Here's the last few lines

But within that austere construct of buffudelment & recourse the ultimate weapon is neither gun nor bomb but the simple trangression of the impending question, "Can I?"

To which one is always course corrected to retract one's presumed personal freedom & replace that offense with the modal verb,

"May."

listening to

Sufjan Steven's heartbreaking new album Javelin

questions