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joy and simplicity in not doing

2023-09-05

3 minute read

I've felt stressed and anxious lately. I can't seem to relax, to get a grip on my life. My room gets messier and messier, more out of control. I can't make progress on things at work. I struggle to finish projects. I think about how I took 10 months off work and how I didn't get anymore organised, any more on top of things. If anything it got worse. I spent hours days working on a conjugation website - to what end? I didn't even finish it. I respond to this pressure by blowing out, drinking all saturday. I pack my weekends full of social engagements, I barely get half an hour to relax.

Things are still less than ideal today. I feel a little better about it though. I stopped caring so much, it is what it is. I am behind on things at work, all internal pressure at the moment but pressure none the less. Being stressed won't help, and g-d knows I know how to stress myself out. I can only look forwards and keep moving.

what'd I do in the weekend

On Friday I caught up with a friend who is moving back to the states. It was good to see them off, and fun to meet their friends. It ended up being quite a way away, so I had a good bike ride too. Saturday I went clothes shopping in the morning, and bought some shoes too. Then in the evening/afternoon I bar-tended an exhibition opening at the gallery. It was a late night, with a variety of adventures, and I finally got to go to a nightclub I'd been wanting to visit.

I went to thornbury on Sunday and visited another friend, we went to the art-book fair at gertrude contemporary gallery. I bought a book from Varamo press - "Being a Chair: Essays on Choreographic Poetry". B told me an anecdote about buying art, about how the first choice is often the best choice. I trusted my gut and got this little book. I also got a nice, free bookmark from Sonnu Books

In the evening I saw another friend and showed her how to make Focaccia bread.

what else

I've been thinking about the Ultralight essay again, and found this quote on Laurel Schwulst's Ultralight Are.na collection.

Four
hundred
forty
five
pieces
of
lightness

My work is about removing weight, like a cutter or a distiller. My job is thinning and squeezing things, making them thinner than onion skin and lighter than a feather. Sometimes I suspect that my work is still not light enough. A pixel on screen or a point on paper might still not be light enough. If I can make it lighter, I make it faster, until it becomes suspended ghost images. If I can not make it faster, I simply try to not make it happen, let it be an unspoken sentence staying on somebody's tongue, a gesture remaining motionless like a statue, an action waiting for consequences that will never happen. I keep thinking of a story I heard when I was a child: It was said that in Zhangzhou, China, a monk used a paint brush to draw plum flowers in the air every day. During his life, he never drew anything on paper at all. I always dream about doing something as light as the invisible plum flower he drew. - Weiyi Li, 2011

I've also continued reading Getting Things Done, and found this little quote:

For the simplicity that lies this side of complexity, I would not give a fig, but for the simplicity that lies on the other side of complexity, I would give my life. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

The GTD book is intimidating, the initial commitment to setting up the system is at least a few hours, if not an entire day. It promises rich, rich rewards.

rich rewards

Last night I made Vegan Mapo Tofu. The sichuan peppers are exciting, a really vibrant spice - tingling throughout my mouth. The silken tofu is lovely.

listening to

questions