an unimaginable truth

2 minute read

I am tired, I have been doing too much. Yet, I have so much to share, so much to write down. Ideas beyond me that I'm desperate to parse.

I went to the bonnard exhibition at the NGV. Some beautiful work, and for this journal some fun quotes:

Remember that a painting, before it is a horse in battle, a nude woman or a sort of anecdote, is essentially a flat surface covered with colors assembled in a certain order. - New Theories of Modern Art and on Sacred Art, Mauric Denis

animated photographs are small wonders. We distinguish all the details... leaves quivering under the action of the breeze... It is an unimaginable truth - Henri di Parville in Les Annales Politiques et Littéraires 1896

A work of art must carry within itself its complete significance - Notes of a Painter, Henri Matisse

I also, before the exhibition, read this essay (which I have mentioned already): A Common Seagull. It's hard to pull a quote out to do it justice, it only really works as a whole. I'll try anyway

How could my thoughts of that week, in a way the most profound week of my life, be in relation to a rectangle, to a rectangular frame? That week does not even know what a rectangle is.

I'm still listening to The Dispossed and enjoying it. Inspiring, the type of main character that makes one want to change oneself. I've been thinking of the power of will, of confidence in oneself and deference to ones own authority. I have felt run off my feet and frantic lately. All kinds of things, but mostly over commitment to social events. I want to reflect on why I feel this way, and how I can help this feeling of franticness. I have some ideas already:

• Draw out a calendar to do things - that way I know when I'm free and also when I want to be alone
  • plan alone time in advance
• Prioritise sleep above all else
• Delete instagram so I don't waste prep time between things.
• Choose and commit to what I want, and feel good about it, rather than feeling like I'm getting dragged around
  • I'm an adult and I make my own decisions. Not only am I responsible for them, I'm allowed to enjoy them.
  • I hope this responsibility will help with my attempts to line up my life with my values
• Practise saying no

what else

really enjoyed hanging out with L while he's been here. It's nice to talk to someone deeply about design and life, it feels like we share a common taste in a lot of areas. I'm going to try to teach him HTML.

I saw a photo of my self and felt bad for gaining weight, then felt bad for feeling bad. C'est la vie. Feel bad for feeling bad for feeling bad for feeling bad. It's okay, it doesn't matter. I have been thinking about going back to my psychologist when I get paid. There's work to be done more to talk about.

I better sleep. Earlier in the day I felt more charged with things to talk about, but it might have just been a feeling.

Last note, I feel the things I gained in my time off coming to fruition now.

listening to

No More Left Like It's Death - John Glacier

questions

• Where if not here?
• How can I chill out? I've been back less than a month, it's okay to move slow.