blurry and hard to grasp
1 minute read
I'm once again struggling to concentrate. Feeling extremely distracted, and all the rest. I'm trying to focus on what tasks I want to do today, and breaking them into such small components that they don't need any thinking to act on. It feels like tasks hit a point in my mind, some kind of limbo, like the waiting place in Dr Seuss' "Oh The Places You'll Go!". The same place projects go to die, after exhausting my excitement. They have pending work, and needs, but what those are or any initiative to work on them is blurry and hard to grasp.
I'm still unwell, so I'm sure that doesn't help. I got caught up in creative work last night, labouring over an idea for my brothers tardy birthday podcast page. I have a cool idea, but have overcommitted a little. The worst part isn't the time and effort though, that's fine. It's the mental space it ocuppies that leaves my mind racing and makes it hard to sleep. The willpower required to hit the brakes at night feels unattainable, and the resulting damaged sleep feeds the distraction and lack of will the next day.
my usual mill stone
I've also got bad guts (as usual). I think it might be the leek and potato soup? It would be a good idea to try FODMAP, worst case scenario is I eat differently for a little while.
what else
- I'm feeling weepy, nearly cried listening to Ay Mamá (not watching the video, just listening).
- A recruiter reached out about a job. I don't think I want it, and I don't think they'll want me, but as usual it's good to keep practicing.
listening to
Another Clyde Built Radio champion set - Glasgow Improvisers Orchestra (27/11/22)
Questions
- How can I regulate my nervous system in this moment?
- Do I cancel my bday party for illness?
- Yes: I don't want to do all the clean up if I'm sick, and there's people I forgot to invite
- Yes: I still feel sick and miserable
- Yes: I don't want to get anyone else sick
- No: It'd be fun to see everyone
- No: I've never had a house party in this apartment and it could be fun