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before enlightenment: ride horse

2022-10-22

1 minute read

Feeling fairly anxious about not having a job, not knowing how to get one, not really wanting one. I want the money, and I want the "being in a job", but the "getting" process is unbearable. I feel inadequate, and sorely wanting. These thoughts are not helpful at all, and I've worked with people who knew far less and got roles. I need to put my head down and focus.

No real solid source for this quote outside of random blogs online:

Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. — Zen Kōan

I'm struggling too with not knowing "what I want". I feel like I know so little, to imagine what I want is impossible! I can barely imagine what I have.

I have been making progress on my forge.horse rebuild, using Wails and Preact.

A blank return.horse comic, and a bunch of little squares, some of them are coloured in

The red squares are in rows of weeks since I began making return.horse comics, the coloured ones are actual comics. Cool to see what the rhythm's looked like, now I can work on upping the numbers. Of course, the tool's not finished yet. I need to port over the editor, and the publishing things, and maybe even the notes, but that won't take too much longer I don't think.

I want to spend all day on it, though the bee zine is calling my name too. Might be able to sneak an hour on each one. First of all, my room needs a tidy.

I had a good little climb yesterday at Burnley, really getting all my energy out.

Slept in today, feeling groggy.

Short entry, not feeling like writing a whole lot.

questions