thinking and drinking

2 minute read

self will as self knowledge

Not too many days left, best book in anything I want to do in Bali. But what do I want? I've felt distress at times not for not getting what I want, but for not knowing what I want and why and then being unsure if I got the right thing. For a while I thought this was a good thing, "a life free from self will", but I'm starting to think it's just a refusal to take responsibility for my needs, and to really know myself.

While writing this I was looking for one quote from Rachel Cusk (the self will line from above that I have hopefully now linked in) but in doing so I found another one from the same book that is more useful

“Sometimes it has seemed to me that life is a series of punishments for such moments of unawareness, that one forges one’s own destiny by what one doesn’t notice or feel compassion for; that what you don’t know and don’t make the effort to understand will become the very thing you are forced into knowledge of.” ― Rachel Cusk, Outline

I am now the same age as Gerome was when he was travelling with me. I remember looking up to him, his self assured confidence and capability. I do not think I am there yet, but I think sometimes by pretending a role you can assume it. I will try to assume this role.

kite

Been thinking about buying a pirate ship kite.

I don't think it will fly easily in Melbourne, and it definitely needs a lot of wind, but it's still on my mind.

silver/lead

I finished reading Silver/Lead by Sarah Jones (published by as part of the Lost Rocks work). It was a lovely read, here's my favourite quotes.

Tannin stained water pulls across the tops of my feet with a kindness that seems inconsistent with millions of years of merciless slicing.

Newness is gone when thingness is found

You can look out and under the roofline at the towering bulk of the mountain, or you can look directly into the beginning of the universe

I got through it in a an hour or two, much smaller volume than I expected. Beautiful design, nice self contained read. More of an extended poem than a novel, but what do I know. Prose-like-poem?

garuda wisnu kencana

card golf

We've got a new game to play, courtesy of my one and only reader: Giles. It started a little slow, and felt a little basic, but with time we unearthed the tricky decisions that make a game fun. You don't want every decision to be easy, it should take some risk and some hard thinking - then the failure is more of a spectacle and the success is all the richer.

listening to

Bad (and some good) covers of music on the beach across the road.

what else

Been inspired about programming more and more, mostly through reading the book about unix.